Sometimes... it doesn't work.
At times, despite my best intentions of being a good student of life, I feel frustrated at the apparent lack of purpose in everything. My cards keep telling to cultivate serenity, to be calm, to stay hopeful, to seek healing and acceptance because every little thing is gonna be alright.
Oh really? Even if it's true, the point is that right now every little thing is being lousy. And my cards are basically telling me to wait for things to get better while nourishing my inner Buddha.
How about that good ol' advice of "not living in the future"? About the present being "the only time you can do anything"? Oh no... the secret is to wait, stay calm and trust the future. Wonderful advice, very comforting knowing that someday, if I am still alive, if I am lucky and if I become spiritually enlightened enough, things may improve. That gives me a lot to work with right now.
I know I'll regret this post someday, but I want to vent. I am angry, I am sad and it seems nothing can be done about it except waiting for Godot.
If anything, this situation is cementing my hopelessness.
I really hope I never fall in love again.
Love seems to be an unfair contract that we sign blindfolded by elusive promises. The happiness it brings is intense but fleeting, and it always ends in searing pain -- at least for one of the people involved.
Maybe this is not the lesson the "universe" wanted me to learn, but either I am a bad student or the "universe" is a bad teacher. I don't see how anyone feeling what I am feeling right now could come to a different conclusion.
I suppose a broken heart is like a broken porcelain vase. Though you may glue the pieces back together, the cracks will always show. It'll always be a damaged vessel.
Oh yes, I wish I could deliver a speech full of peaceful wisdom and acceptance, but I have not a jot of peace nor wisdom in my heart right now. As for acceptance, it's reluctant at best because I have no choice. In any case, corny harangues only work for those who are at the top of Fortune's wheel.
But you know, I realize it's not the cards. It's me. Nothing can comfort me right now.